Awhile
ago on facebook there was a thing going around where you had to write
7 little known facts about yourself to share with your friends. Being
somewhat reserved, unwilling for people to know me better and a great
hater of group sharing things on FB I didn't actually take part but
the idea stuck with me and got me thinking.
I
don't actually like to talk about myself all that much to people that
I hang out with, I always say it's because I'm boring and there's not
much to tell but I think I actually have trust issues. I figure the
less people know about me the less they can use to hurt me. Of course
the flip side is that the less they know, the less they care which is
why I don't have many friends. I am the way I am though.
Over
the course of a work day I tend to have a lot of time to think so the
ideas came to me fairly quickly. I ended up with a few more than 7
although the final list was whittled down quite drastically to just
the 9 facts I have chosen below. Chances are the ones that made the
list some people will know anyway and the real juicy facts will
remain secret just because there are some things that I'm not brave
enough to share. Unfortunately I've managed to blah on about most of
the facts rather more than I had anticipated so I've highlighted the
titles if you just want to get the basic idea.
So
without further ado, onto the list!
1) I'm terrified of the
ocean.
I
love the beach and I love to paddle in the waves but if I go more
than knee high I start to get anxious, more than waist high I start
to get an adrenaline rush and if I get neck high or my feet leave the
ground I can full out panic. I have been able to convince myself into
the water a few times, usually when the waves are small and I'm alone
just to prove to myself that I can but I don't enjoy it. I feel
especially awkward in the summer going to the beach with people I
know who all run for the waves as soon as we arrive. Usually I make
sure I have Rush with me so that I can use him as an excuse to wander
off for half an hour while they enjoy the water but if I don't have a
dog I tend to just look lost, standing around on the sand. I can't
even contemplate swimming with other people. Even now, safe at home,
the thought of someone tipping me under the water whether by accident
or in play, makes my stomach twist. I don't even really know why I'm
scared of the sea. I can swim well, although I have sinus issues if I
go underwater, and the only somewhat distressing memory I have at a
beach is when me and sister rock hopped out too far and the tide
closed in behind us. We were promptly rescued by Dad though and I
don't even remember if we got wet...
2)
Cows are my favourite animals, not dogs, like most people believe.
3)
I despise hugs. Also I dislike almost all other physical contact.
This
one won't surprise many people, after all I can be rather blunt or
brutal when letting people know about this one. Luckily for me there
are few situations where I am forced into touching someone or have to
tolerate some one else touching me. Most of all I despise hugs, even
among friends and family I still find them awkward. There is in fact
only one person on the planet that I can hug with complete ease and
that's my friend Rach. I've known her for a long time (we even lived
together for awhile) and she comes from a very huggy family so she
expects (and often demands) a hug on greeting and departure. She
knows I don't like to be touched and she leaves me to my personal
space in all other ways but she insists on the hugs and after years
of being chased down or grabbed before I could escape she has
successfully desensitized me to the hug. At least hugs with her. If
anyone else tries to hug me they get a stern word and a frowny face
at best. At worst, a nice bruise.
As
for why I dislike physical contact? Again I don't know. I've always
been stand offish, even as a child I can remember refusing to hug
relatives and being dragged from hiding places to say goodbye to
guests properly. It's just a built in aversion.
4) I have never broken a
bone. My most serious injury to date was a sprained ankle.
5) I find being called
'pretty' somewhat offensive.
Being
judged by my gender or face really aggravates me, especially when
people tell me that I am too pretty to be doing a certain job or too
pretty to be dating a certain person. Why does it matter what I look
like? Just because I have a passably attractive face doesn't make me
a better person, it doesn't mean that I should be treated better than
anyone else and it certainly doesn't mean that I am unable to
complete or enjoy manual jobs. I know that all human beings judge
others by appearance but when people look at me and decide my
personality before I have even spoken it makes me wonder if I should
even bother speaking. I have met more people than I would like who
assume so many things about me just because I am female that they
think I am lying or attention seeking when I tell them my true views
and opinions which is why I give so many vague answers. Sometimes I
will just tell them what they want to hear because I know they won't
accept what I really believe and then I try to distract them with
another topic to avoid any more detailed questions.
6) I have an extremely
active imagination.
I
often tell people that I have a poor memory which is a bit of a lie
because I have an excellent memory for certain events that strike a
chord with me. My problem is that I spend a lot of time making up
stories in my head and I have very vivid dreams at night so my
reality and fantasy worlds can get somewhat blurred. Quite frankly
I'm just not sure if the memories I have are real or made up so I
tend to err on the side of caution and just say that I don't
remember.
7) Only two people outside
my family know the true me
They
know who they are and I love them both, they will always be my most
important friends even when they eventually find me too odd and stop
spending time with me. Most people find me odd to be honest, even my
own father says I'm strange but I'm ok with that, I know I'm
different from the norm and I really rather enjoy it. I tend to tone
it down for those who don't know me extremely well though because my
undiluted personality can be difficult to handle. Even for those who
have accepted me can find me difficult to understand and get weirded
out or worried by my strange behaviour, they have usually seen enough
of it to just shake their heads at me or tell me to pack it in
though. One day I will give in to myself and allow my true nature to
run rampant but I haven't quite given up on society yet.
8)I have a strong fear of
rejection
I
still have difficulty believing that people can like me and I have
discarded many budding friendships and relationships simply because I
have passed them off believing them to not be genuine. I am often
callous, indifferent or down right mean to people when I first meet
them in the hopes that my poor attitude will drive them away before I
decide I like them. I also figure that if I hand them the reason to
dislike me then I won't be hurt when they don't want to spend time
with me. A few tenacious people have made it past this stage, either
by sheer determination or accident, and I am now rather fond of them.
Not that I would let on and they shall remain anonymous to save
anyone being embarrassed and because I'm afraid they won't return my
feelings of fondness. Which rather nicely sums up the point I am
trying to make.
9) I am more comfortable
around guys
Again
this will not come as much of a surprise to most people but at least
I can define the reason. To put it simply, they don't give a crap. I
don't like to talk about my feelings, dissect my relationships with
people, think about my future life goals and I have little to no
interest in most things girls talk about. Trying to hold a
conversation about make up, babies, boyfriends, clothes, calories,
shoes, hair care, shops, weddings or whatever else is important
generally makes me want to hit my head against a wall just to keep
myself awake. I can talk about these subjects in small bursts, making
passable responses like some sort of talking parrot (or a well
trained boyfriend I suppose) but mostly I prefer to just avoid these
topics all together. Guys don't really do touchy feely conversations
and when they do I tend to avoid them too. Also I can look my worst
around a bunch of guys and not feel hideous cos they all look pretty
terrible too. I always feel like there's some sort of competition
happening that I don't know the rules to when I'm in with a group of
girls. So although I really do try to get along with the girls I know
I usually just feel like I've warped into somewhere foreign with a
strange language and customs I don't understand.
So
there's my list! Some what long winded but that's why I don't talk
about me very often. No need to worry though there won't be many more
heartfelt confessions any time soon (if ever) so you can relax.
Has
anyone else got any personal facts they want to share? If you like
this blog idea and decide to write one about yourself send me a link
so that I can check it out. I'd be interested to see what other
people think about themselves.
